I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
