ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
