He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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