Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
