were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My bed smells like the plague
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