i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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