So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
