Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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