My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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