i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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