watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize