i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
