Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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