Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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