Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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