gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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