OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
