Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
