I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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