i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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