Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
