Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
