Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
