worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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