you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
