In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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