dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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