She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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