i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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