I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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