Your tits are I can't wait for
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
