Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
