I'm jealous of your bromance
kristin has been a bad kristin
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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