Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
