The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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