when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
