Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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