Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How external is "for external use only"?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You were trust falling into bushes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
