Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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