You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
