It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
