I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
