I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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