someone threw a dead crab at me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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