whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was confusing and full of hummus
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
