My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
