If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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