hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
