i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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