u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
