Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
