i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
