Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
