Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
