you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
