I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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