He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
