It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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