I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
