I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
