Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
