I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
