I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
