i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
