He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize