I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
