i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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