im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
