I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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