Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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