so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
