Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
