I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
