god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
