apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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