Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
