Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
