Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
