I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
