Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
