i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
