it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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