Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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