I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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