think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
