God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
