I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
