I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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