and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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