I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
